Supermarket Flowers

Supermarket Flowers is the 12th song on Ed Sheeran’s new album Divide, and quite possibly the most memorable one too. Have you ever listened to a song and from the moment your ears tune into the lyrics, you know this is that song, the song that really describes a situation, or describes your feelings like no one ever could – this is that song for me. Ed wrote this song from his mum’s perspective about his grandmother who sadly passed away, and from the moment this song begins your heart begins to feel ways it probably never thought it could. Some say when you’re going through a difficult period in your life that you should talk about it, or write it down, and Ed done just that through a song, but me? I’m going to type it up and let it out via this post.

This song struck a chord with me from the very first moment I listened to it on the day of the album release. It was released during a time when my gran was battling ill health, and as a result was permanently living with us and needing round the clock care from my mum. I developed a strong attachment to the song and can only long for the day I get to tell Ed personally just how much this song means to me, something that likely won’t happen and something he probably hears every single day, but still it’s true. Prior to Christmas, my gran’s constant up and down health took a turn for the worst, and despite her hitting rock bottom many times before but constantly picking herself back up the very next day, this time was different. Each day with her was another blessing, another thank you to God to be able to wake up and go through to the other room to be met with a smile, a good morning, or an order for some tea and toast.

I spent 21 amazing years by her side, and those 21 years will be cherished and remembered as the best years of my life. Whether it was the time she took me on the train to London for the weekend as a toddler, and I only survived a half hour in the city before my attachment to my mum became evident and I cried nonstop for hours that my mum had to get the first 5 hour train out to London to come and get me, or the time just a couple of months ago when I smacked my head off the cupboard door bending down trying to find something insignificant and gran made me climb in bed beside her whilst she stroked my hair like I was a little girl again. Or what about all the times I done well in an exam, an assignment, or had an awards ceremony back in high school, she’d be there stood by my mum’s side filled with pride, phoning around the family telling them about her granddaughter, motivating me to keep it up or trying to slip me the odd fiver for passing an exam and when I’d refuse she wouldn’t object, she’d simply say “Okay I’ll have it back then”. Or even better, that time in Morrison’s where we wore matching jackets and made mum take a picture of us both with all our shopping giving the camera two big thumbs up.

When you lose the dearest person in your life, you’re left with a gaping hole that really can never be filled, but when you think of all the wonderful memories you shared with that person, you can only be thankful that you’ve been left with such fond ones. On the 17th of March I lost my gran, and that very day my whole world changed in the blink of an eye. Although it was something I knew was going to happen, you can never prepare yourself for when it does. When that very person is not only your gran, but you’re best friend all rolled into one, it’s like losing more than one person. When I look back, I can’t not smile as the last few months of her life spent living with mum and I were the happiest of months for her, as well as us. Despite the struggles and the discomfort at times, she would always have a smile on her face for you, and there was no smile quite like the one plastered on her face whenever I walked into the room. We were like two peas in a pod, and regardless of me growing up, I was always her favourite little girl.

Balancing uni and illness all under the same roof was tough, I struggled to deal with the constant flood of nurses and doctors in my house every morning and night, the constant visitors, having to leave the house and say goodbye wondering whether it would be my last time, and the tension in relationships at times due to the frustration and stressfulness of the situation. I kept a lot of how I felt inside, letting it build up, I didn’t want her to ever see me sad, if the people around her were strong then she would be too, and she always was. I put on a brave face, not wanting anymore stress to be put on my mum. I’d take it all back though just to have her here again, to sit beside her with a cup of tea watching Jeremy Kyle, Judge Rinder or Come Dine With Me, even if it was a repeat…to hold her hand and comfort her, or to tell her a joke that no one except her would find funny. I find it extremely strange coming home now and not shouting hello and being responded to with a witty comment, or her being in control of the TV schedule, which meant no Towie or Housewives of Orange Country for me.

“A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved”

So that’s why Supermarket Flowers became a part of me, each lyric as if Ed Sheeran was singing about the things going on in my life. The album brought and still does bring me so much comfort, it’s amazing how music can make you feel, especially when times are tough. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think of her, I’m constantly being reminded of her, speaking about her, missing her. I graduate from university in 2 months with a Psychology Honours degree and my only wish was for her to attend my graduation, watching me collect my degree, draped in my long black gown, especially since it’s all thanks to her encouragement that I’ve made it this far. Sadly, that wish won’t be fulfilled but I know she’ll be there with me in my heart, and I can only hope that I continue to make her proud.

Annie, my best friend, my gran.

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26 thoughts on “Supermarket Flowers

  1. ShivWrites says:

    Wow, this struck a chord. My nan is coming to the end of her life too and like you say; though I know it’s happening, it won’t be easy 😦
    I also believe that my nan will be at peace and in a better place and that yours is too. She may not be at your graduation in person but she definitely will be in spirit!
    Will have to give that Supermarket Flowers a listen.
    X

    Liked by 1 person

    • adailydoseofholly says:

      I’m so sorry to hear that lovely. All I can say it spend lots of time with her, she’ll be so happy to know you’re all there for her. If there’s anything I can do or you want to speak to me then feel free to message me on Twitter @hollysramblings
      Thank you, that means a lot and brings me so much comfort. She’ll be watching me from an even better place. Take care! X

      Like

  2. madaboutbeautyblog says:

    Crying reading that, how beautiful, my nan is my best friend too and I can’t imagine the day I lose her, this was beautiful though, also I love the fact Ed Sheeran sings about relatable things and sings in such a beautiful way x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ruminvte says:

    This is such a beautiful and touching post, I know what it’s like to lose a grandparent and it’s one of the strangest feelings in the world knowing they’re not here anymore. But judging by your post, you had such a special bond with her and that’s truly amazing. I haven’t heard the song but will go listen now. Wishing you well 💞✨

    Liked by 1 person

    • adailydoseofholly says:

      Thank you!! It’s so awful knowing they’re not there to just run in and see or tell about your day, finding it so hard to get used to. Thank you, we really did and the fact you can tell makes me happy ❤ thanks for reading and have a lovely week!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. thebeasley says:

    This is a lovely tribute to your Gran. I was best pals with my Gran too & I also lost her just before I graduated from Uni. I still miss her some 20yrs on, but I was so lucky to have her as my Gran.

    Liked by 1 person

    • adailydoseofholly says:

      Thank you, it’s nice to know you also had the same sort of relationship with your gran! You can only be thankful about the times spent with her. Some people don’t get many years with their gran, I got 21 so I should feel lucky, but being a human I’d do anything for 21 more!

      Liked by 1 person

      • thebeasley says:

        Oh I know. I was only thinking the other day how lovely it would if she was still alive & had been with me through the past 20yrs. Sorry about your loss xx

        Like

  5. emfletche says:

    So sorry for your loss Holly, it’s been 10 years this Feb since I lost my Gran and I still miss her and I’m sad she never got to meet the man that I’d just started dating who later became my husband x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The Indecisive Eejit says:

    I made the mistake of listening to the tune and reading your post and now my eyes are leaking. Lovely post.
    My Mum passed away in November after battling dementia for 4 years. It was a tough time for us all looking after her, so the fact that she’s at peace now is a blessing.
    Huge hugs to you and be kind to yourself 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

    • adailydoseofholly says:

      Sorry for causing some tears, but thank you so much for reading! I’m terribly sorry to hear about your mum, I’ve studied dementia as part of my degree but I can’t imagine how hard things must have been for you. I hope things are getting better for you now! You’re exactly true though, it’s some sort of comfort knowing my gran’s out of her pain! Take care x

      Like

  7. Nina says:

    I’m sorry to hear this, and I thank you for the beautiful words you have written. My father and uncle passed away recently withing mere months of each other, so I understand what it means to grieve. It’s such a help when art comforts us in our grief.

    Liked by 1 person

    • adailydoseofholly says:

      Thank you for taking time out of your day to read these words! I’m so sorry, it’s hard enough losing one person, never mind two in such a short space of time – please take care of yourself and be strong for the both of them, they’d want that more than anything!

      Like

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